We desperately want the election to be over. So much so that we nearly did not add our own endorsements to the teeming terabytes of text covering this, the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF OUR LIVES. We would love nothing more than to click our cranhammer slippers and wake up in post-election America, where everything works great and people love each other. With that said: voting really is important! If you’re not convinced of that by now, well, shit. We drop freedom bombs on non-Americans to give them this right.
So here’s a Quick (?) and Dirty Voter Guide, or A Look at How We Voted For Political Junkies Who Just Can’t Stop Reading About the Election.
PRESIDENT OF THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD
Jesus Christ on a melting polar ice cap, there’s no way you don’t already know who you want to be the Leader of the Free World. And guess what? It doesn’t matter! Under the inequitable, antiquated, back-asswards method of electing a President in this country, every last voter in true-blue California is exercising the franchise for Barack Obama. Fair? Of course not. But that’s the way it is. You should be frustrated with this dumb system regardless of who you support. The Electoral College has resulted in a clusterfuck plenty of times, even in recent memory, and yet here we are. What to do? Whine, complain and lobby for the National Popular Vote, which California has already passed into law in hopes of enough other states eventually doing the same. In the meantime:
Vote for Jill Stein*
Since we’re all collectively casting our 55 electoral votes for Obama, we suggest voting with your conscience, which in our case is the Green Party candidate. We don’t really know who Dr. Jill Stein is, and it doesn’t matter. She got our vote because she represents views that align with our own bleeding liberal heart, and because she’s not Bronco Bama or Money Boo Boo.
The Prez never turned into the magic liberal so many of us hoped for when throwing our support behind him four years ago. Remember when Obama was a hedge against establishment-Dem Hilary? How naive. Then he hired guys like Rahm Emanuel, Lawrence Summers and Tim Geithner, didn’t close Gitmo as promised, didn’t prosecute a single criminal act out of so many from the Bush adminstration–like, you know, torture–and ramped-up the National Security State to Orwellian levels. Also the war on whistleblowers, the trust-us-it-happened
capture and prosecution killing of Bin Laden, NDAA, flying death robots and so many other reasons. Yes he got the health care law passed, but it’s a split-the-baby compromise modeled on old Republican proposals that Republicans were never going to vote for anyway.
A friend explained it thusly today: “A Romney or Obama vote gives the establishment a mandate to continue its crushing imperialism & two-tiered justice unabated.” Huzzah!
So vote for the Green. Or if you’re a weed-friendly disaffected conservatarian, Gary Johnson is your candidate. If you like writing in Mickey Mouse, Roseanne is on the ballot.
*Unless you are registered in a “deciding it for the rest of us” state like Ohio, Florida, Nevada, Wisconsin or Virginia. Then you should totally vote for Obama.
MAYOR OF SAN DIEGO
What the hell is going to happen? Polling has been all over the place, and after an endless string of debates we paid little attention to, we still have no idea. What most everyone agrees on is that both candidates are kind of terrible. The mayoral campaign has been a nightmare of character-attack sniping that left us wistful for “independent” third-place finisher Nathan Fletcher. Fletch, we hardly knew ye. San Diego hasn’t elected a Democratic mayor in over 20 years, and despite a registration advantage for Dems, it apparently will be very close.
We don’t have our hearts in this one. Vote for the devil you know (Filner) over the tea party puppet devil of Doug Manchester you know all too well (DeMaio).
UNITED STATES SENATOR
Oh man, another six years around the dance floor with DiFi. Feinstein will breeze back into her Emeritus Permanent Senate Seat as one of our two (TWO!) senators from California, home to 37 million people. Our other one is pretty great, but Feinstein is a Blue Dog who happily sells us down the river at every opportunity. Her nominal opponent is some no-name Republican effigy with zero chance whatsoever. We left both ovals blank out of disgust.
UNITED STATES REPRESENTATIVE, 53rd DISTRICT
Susan Davis is a moderate Democrat, likes wearing purple and will easily emerge victorious over her kooky Republican opponent.
UNITED STATES REPRESENTATIVE, 52nd DISTRICT
We live south of the 8 and don’t vote in this race, but wholeheartedly recommend a vote for Not Brian Bilbray. Peters is no John Kennedy, but Bilbray has been in lockstep with his obstructionist Republican colleagues in the Worst Congress Ever, and that is more than enough reason to vote him out. His campaign has tacked leftward in trying to win votes in the redrawn district, with dubious ads claiming that Peters is the one out to gut Medicare (‽), and another featuring his incredibly hot, cancer-stricken daughter that uses medical marijuana. Will it be enough to retain his seat? We sure hope not, but, probably.
STATE SENATOR, 39th DISTRICT
Has a D by his name and gets our vote by default. Assemblyman Block has name recognition over GOP opponent George Plescia, whom you’ve already forgotten.
STATE ASSEMBLY, 78th DISTRICT
Is an actual progressive-liberal, will easily win re-election and we like her a lot.
CITY COUNCIL, COUNTY SUPES, JUDGES, SCHOOL BOARDS AND DOG CATCHER RACES
We will not offer and do not recommend taking our advice on the down-ballot races. For these we consulted the voter guides of the San Diego Democratic Party and San Diego CityBeat. You could do a lot worse.
STATEWIDE PROPOSITIONS: DEATH AND TAXES
YES on Prop 30
A new, temporary tax to help balance the bleeding state budget. We’re not wild about the governor and legislature budgeting via the ballot box like this. But the alternative is more severe cuts to state services. Hold your nose and vote yes. It’s going to be close.
NO on Prop 31
Austerity! Does a lot of bad things and liberal people don’t like it. Hasn’t polled well, seemingly has no chance.
NO NO NO on Prop 32
Trojan-horse corporate initiative masquerading as campaign reform. This piece of crap is going down and be sure you vote against it.
NO on Prop 33
Same insurance “reform” initiative that Mercury Insurance has run up the flagpole in previous elections. Allows companies to raise rates if you have a lapse in coverage for any reason. Duh, no.
YES YES YES on Prop 34
We used to be fence-sitters on the death penalty, but upon further review, holy shit the State should not be killing people. The biggest, most glaring reason is that innocent people are convicted of capital crimes all the time. Also, keeping people on death row is expensive and pointless, since California has a de facto moratorium on executions anyway. It will be replaced with life sentences without the possibility of parole, so vote Yes and end the death penalty in California. It looks very close and needs your vote.
? on Prop 35
This is a tricky one. We are absolutely in favor of coming down hard on sex offenders and human traffickers. But we feel that this kind of criminal justice legislation should be done through lawmakers, not an initiative on a crowded ballot. We voted No, but leave it up to your own conscience. Here’s a good summation of the No argument.
YES on Prop 36
Reforms the Three Strikes Law, which was itself a criminal justice law passed by initiative. Three Strikes sentences a lot of people to life in prison for non-violent and often minor offenses, which is stupid and costly. Vote Hell Yes.
YES on Prop 37
We definitely need more consumer information on genetically-modified frankenfood, and the No campaign is supported by none other than Monsanto. Don’t overthink it. Vote Yes to label GMO food.
NO on Prop 38
The Molly Munger “shared sacrifice” tax that has no chance of passing. Vote No and don’t let it sink Prop 30, which it might anyway. Yikes.
YES on Prop 39
Closes a corporate tax loophole and funds green sustainable things, apparently. Vote Yes and hope for the best.
YES on Prop 40
This initiative would undo the state’s redistricting, which is such a bad idea that even the initiative’s backers don’t support it anymore. Vote No but don’t sweat it; this sucker ain’t passing.
LOCAL PROPOSITION – PROP Z
We do not pretend to be educated on education issues. While we value book learnin’ and stuff, it does seem like we vote to approve a new bond or tax for schools every single election. Prop Z would raise property taxes by $60 for every $100,000 a property is worth. That is a big tax increase. We voted No, but you should feel free to do otherwise and make us feel really guilty about it.
For more detailed information, we suggest the San Diego Free Press Progressive Guide to Ballot Propositions.
Now go vote!